And now I'm battling me, my mind and the games it has been playing with me. I see nothing, I feel so much! What do I do? How do I know what I feel is baseless?
Suspicion is a dangerous thing. It saps your life of all love and happiness. And you never know if its the truth or a mind game.
RG shouldn't have done this to me - taken my happiness away with a lie. I want to take things at face value, like I used to, not struggle with myself to understand what's happening behind what I see. Maybe, there is nothing more to what I see. But my mind, it oscillates between belief and distrust... and leaves me empty, vulnerable. Is there help for someone like me? Why doesn't talking to RG help? Perhaps, because he has nothing to say to me. He looks on helpless. And I need affirmation, not ambivalence.
Let my presence not be a punishment for him. I am not as whimsical as this time of my life makes me seem. When I'm sad I have a reason, even if I can't share it with anyone. When I'm happy, it's because I've forgotten my sorrow, believed it does not exist.
Would somebody be able to tell me where I will go after where I am left standing? Would somebody tell me how to stop feeling so miserable for my heart's sake? Will the ghosts of my past leave me now?
